Dancing in the Rain

[capttankona]

My father passed away several years ago from Alzheimer's disease. I cared for him at home until he was to far gone to be cared for at home. Then we had to put him into assisted living.

I received this email from my wife today, it brought a tear to my eye, so I wanted to share it with all of you. I put it here in the Best of America, because that is what my Dad was. From the time he went into the military until his leaving his construction job, in which he built countless homes and offices in Marin County and Sonoma County to house the people of this state, he was the embodiment of an American to me.

How to Dance in the Rain

It was a busy morning, about 8:30 , when an elderly gentleman in his 80s arrived at the hospital to have stitches removed from his thumb.

He said he was in a hurry as he had an appointment at 9:00 am.

I took his vital signs and had him take a seat, knowing it would be over an hour before someone would to able to see him. I saw him looking at his watch and decided, since I was not busy with another patient, I would evaluate his wound. On exam, it was well healed, so I talked to one of the doctors, got the needed supplies to remove his sutures and redress his wound.

While taking care of his wound, I asked him if he had another doctor's appointment this morning, as he was in such a hurry.

The gentleman told me no, that he needed to go to the nursing home to eat breakfast with his wife.

I inquired as to her health.

He told me that she had been there for a while and that she was a victim of Alzheimer's Disease.

As we talked, I asked if she would be upset if he was a bit late.

He replied that she no longer knew who he was, that she had not recognized him in five years now.

I was surprised, and asked him, "And you still go every morning, even though she doesn't know who you are?"

He smiled as he patted my hand and said, "She doesn't know me, but I still know who she is."

I had to hold back tears as he left, I had goose bumps on my arm, and thought, "That is the kind of love I want in my life."

True love is neither physical, nor romantic. True love is an acceptance of all that is, has been, will be, and will not be.

With all the jokes and fun that are in e-mails, sometimes there is one that comes along that has an important message.

This one I thought I could share with you. The happiest people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the best of everything they have.

I hope you share this with someone you care about.

I just did.


"Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain."

[subdjoe]

Wow. Good one, thank you for sharing.

[capttankona]

You are very welcome.

[JustMyOpinion]

Yes, very touching story indeed! I can relate since my father in-law died from Alzheimer's (I've posted it before). He was an FBI agent, worked on many mob cases in Chicago, the Mississippi burning case and more, and he had many accolades from J. Edgar Hoover. He had the disease for about 20 years, it took him VERY slowly. In the end he was in diapers (in assisted living), and had to be force fed, and endured bed sores and several bouts of pneumonia. My mother in-law went to see him as much as possible, brought him home cooked food, fed him, shaved him, talked to him, and while his head was always hanging low, she swore he knew at some level that she was there, and maybe they were married for 53(ish) years. He didn't recognize anyone for the last few years of his life either and that was tough on the family. To make matters worse my mother in-law had breast cancer return after being cancer free for 35 years, and then had to endure open heart surgery. Life can be cruel, and I think to embrace the positives that you have instead of focusing on the negative is really wise advice!

[Mink]

Thank you for sharing a wonderful story! I lost my Dad s few years ago too. I saw him on TV last night, brought a tear to my eye, but joy as well. I feel lucky having had him as my Dad and I sure miss him...... Mom is still here and we treat her like gold. The nice thing about love is it is never-ending.

[capttankona]

May 13, 2009 19:45:59 GMT -5 JustMyOpinion said:

Yes, very touching story indeed! I can relate since my father in-law died from Alzheimer's (I've posted it before). He was an FBI agent, worked on many mob cases in Chicago, the Mississippi burning case and more, and he had many accolades from J. Edgar Hoover. He had the disease for about 20 years, it took him VERY slowly. In the end he was in diapers (in assisted living), and had to be force fed, and endured bed sores and several bouts of pneumonia. My mother in-law went to see him as much as possible, brought him home cooked food, fed him, shaved him, talked to him, and while his head was always hanging low, she swore he knew at some level that she was there, and maybe they were married for 53(ish) years. He didn't recognize anyone for the last few years of his life either and that was tough on the family. To make matters worse my mother in-law had breast cancer return after being cancer free for 35 years, and then had to endure open heart surgery. Life can be cruel, and I think to embrace the positives that you have instead of focusing on the negative is really wise advice!

Watching my father go over the time he was with us was indeed one of the most difficult things I have ever had to endure. And though his passing was a moment of saddness, it was also a great relief. I lost my father more then a decade before his body finally gave out. I was fortunate to have him as long as I did. I still have fond memories of him holding his grandson, gently rubbing his hand and saying, "that's Wyatt Earp," when we told him his grandson's name.

I loved my father dearly. But, in those final years there were times when I hated him too. The roller coaster of emotions was difficult at best. I had no support group. I just endured. In the long run it made me stronger, but I lost a piece of myself along the way. Lucky for me I have two wonderful kids. If it were not for them, I would not have recovered as much of myself as I did.

[JustMyOpinion]

I am sorry for your loss, and you are right kids can make rough times easier. Well, unless you have one like mine!

When my biological father passed away I was not mature enough to drop my expectations of him, and anger. Now, as I've aged I hold no anger, just compassion for a man that had a disease (alcoholism) and he died without the approval of his only child. I admit sometimes I feel guilty about it, but we are where we are in our lives emotionally, and one can't change a path they cannot see.

The man I refer to in the forum as dad is my step-dad, and he has EARNED the title and respect from me, he is dad.