Blue states secede from red

[saunterelle]

Dear Red States,

We've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and we're

taking the other Blue States with us. In case you aren't aware, that

includes Hawaii, California, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin,Michigan, Illinois, New

York, and all of the Northeastern states. After this election, we'll be

adding Colorado and New Mexico. We believe this split will be beneficial to

the nation, especially to the people of our new country - Nuevo California.



To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states; we get

stem cell research, the best beaches, and the best ski resorts. We get

Elliot Spitzer; you get Ken Lay. We get the Statue of Liberty; you get

Dollywood. We get Intel and Microsoft; you get WorldCom. We get Stanford,

Harvard, Princeton, Yale,Cal Tech, MIT and Columbia; you get Ole' Miss. We

get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs; you

get Alabama. We get two-thirds of the tax revenue; you get to make the red

states pay their fair share.



Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than that of the

Christian Coalition, we get a bunch of happy families and you get a bunch of

under-educated single moms.



Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and anti-war, and

we'll need all of our citizens back from Iraq at once.



If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They apparently have

kids they're willing to send to their deaths for no purpose, and they don't

mind if you don't televise their kid's caskets coming home. We do wish you

success in Iraq and hope that those Weapons of Mass Destruction turn up for

you, but we're not willing to spend any more of our money in Bush's

Quagmire.



With the Blue States, we will control 80 percent of the country's fresh

water, 90 percent of pineapple and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh

fruit, 97 percent of America's quality wines (you can serve French wines at

your state dinners), 90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech

industry, most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias

and condors, and all the Ivy League and Seven Sister schools. We also get

New England, the Great Lakes and Yosemite, thank you very much.

In the Red States, you will have to cope with 88 percent of all obese

Americans and their projected health care costs, 92 percent of

all U.S. mosquitoes, 100 percent of tornadoes, 94 percent of hurricanes, 99

percent of Southern Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists,

Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, and Clemson.



Additionally, in the Red States, 38 percent actually believe Jonah

was swallowed by a whale; 62 percent believe life is sacred unless it

involves the death penalty or gun ownership; 44 percent claim that evolution

is only a theory; 53 percent insist that Saddam Hussein was involved in

9/11; and 61 percent of you crazy bastards believe you have higher moral

standards than those of us on the left.



By the way, we're taking all the good pot, too. You get that dirt weed

from Mexico and Kansas ditches.



Peace out,

The Blue States

[subdjoe]

"Slave states" That would include Maryland, WV, IL, OH, and several other Northern states that didn't outlaw slavery until the 13th Amendment was ratified. If you want to branch out to include those states active in the slave trade after importation of blacks was prohibited by US law, then you need to include, MA, NY, PA, ME, DE as all of them supplied pilots, ships, and finance for the slave trade.

Funny thing about real history, those who don't know it tend to get bit in the ass by it.

[Mink]

Enjoyed the read saunterelle!! ;D

[JustMyOpinion]

Quick, run to the blue! Yikes! That was pretty good.

[JustMyOpinion]

subdjoe, (slapping my forehead) easy, this was posted in COMEDY!

[The New Guy]

hot damn, this is a great idea! how soon can we make it happen?


i hate to squash your dreams but all those high tech companies you are bragging about will within 3 years move all their operations to red states where corporate taxes are low and business is encoraged.

[subdjoe]

Oct 25, 2008 19:38:21 GMT -5 JustMyOpinion said:

subdjoe, (slapping my forehead) easy, this was posted in COMEDY!

Just making a correction of the common misconnception that somehow slavery only existed in the southern states. And only under the Stars and Bars or the Stainless banner. It existed for much longer under the Stars and Stripes. And the slave trade was financed and run, contrary to popular myth, not by those evil slave owning southrons, but by good solid New England, NY, and PA bankers, ship owners, and industrialists.

Yes, northern interests were the first to get rid of their slaves, but only when it became economically unsound to hold them. And then, they didn't free their slaves, they sold them south at great profit. So much for the myth of the altruistic "freedom loving" north. If it had been cheaper to keep the chatal slaves rather than using Irish wage slaves (whom they didn't have to feed, clothe, or provide medical care for), then slavery would have remained an institution in the north. In fact, even after they got rid of their own slaves, many nothern banks held interests in southern rice, indigo, cotton, and tobacco plantations and so indirectly kept ownership of slaves.

[surefire]

Don't let the door hit the blue states in the ass. I wouldn't want to damage the door. ;D

Seriously, the blue states wouldn't be missed.

(I realize this was posted in comedy.... I can only wish it would happen)

[saunterelle]

Thanks for the info Joe, this was an e-mail I received. Guess it's not the most accurate but it sure is funny.

[subdjoe]

Oct 26, 2008 11:58:39 GMT -5 saunterelle said:

Thanks for the info Joe, this was an e-mail I received. Guess it's not the most accurate but it sure is funny.

Yeah, if you find bigoted, racist, sectionalist stereotypes funny, I guess it is.

Oh, wait. The o! so tolerant, diverse, and inclusive left can make belittling, racist, intolerant comments and we are all supposed to chuckle when they say "It's a joke, boy!"

[Mink]

I'd say most of what is posted in the Comedy section of the forum is not accurate, but there is humor for all. Thanks again saunterelle!!

[harpman1]

Snotty, self-righteous; juvenile & petty.

And of course, very liberal.

Wait; that was redundant.