Post by jgaffney on May 19, 2010 11:53:20 GMT -5
Following is an excerpt from an Associated Press interview with Democratic Senate candidate Dick Blumenthal, currently fighting allegations that he lied about his military service in Vietnam:
Associated Press: How do these allegations of dishonesty affect you personally? Are you angry?
Dick Blumenthal: You bet. I wasn’t this angry when I was dodging enemy fire in the jungles of Southeast Asia, or fighting hand-to-hand in those damned tunnels. I’m not going to let this stop me from fighting for the American people, though. You can take that to the bank. I know how to pull myself together after a setback. Hell, I was blown clean in half by Vietcong artillery… (he makes a sawing gesture across his midsection) … and I didn’t let that stop me.
AP: Umm… you look pretty good for a man who was blown in half…
DB: Damn right I do! That’s because I’m a fighter! I know how to pull myself together after a setback. Those people calling for me to drop out of the race are selling me short. I’m used to that, though. So is every combat soldier. I’ll never forget how my buddies and I were treated when we got back from Pandora.
AP: … I beg your pardon? Pandora?
DB: What a nightmare. We did the best we could, but they were coming at us with dragons, and these things that looked like giant panthers with six legs. We didn’t have the manpower, or the firepower, to complete the mission, but we took the blame when we came home without any unobtainium. (Drums his fingers on his desk.) I can promise the voters of Connecticut that if they send me to the Senate, I’ll stand with the President in forcing those big corporations to share their unobtainium with hard-working Americans. You know that stuff sells for a like fifty million dollars an ounce? Talk about your obscene profit margins… (Blumenthal begins fidgeting with a small rectangular object.)
AP: What’s that?
DB: This? (Heaves a heavy sigh of loss and regret.) My father’s lightsaber. An elegant weapon, from a more… civilized era. (He smiles, taken by a fond memory.) I never knew my father, but I was told he was a cunning warrior… and a good friend. He was betrayed, you know. Betrayed by the same Wall Street fat cats that want to make billions by betraying the American people!
AP: You’ve stated that you believe the allegations of dishonesty against you are a political hit from your Republican opponents.
DB: That’s right. They’re trying to “Swift Boat” me. They want to tear my heart out, the same way the terrorists tore it out when they captured me, in the mountains of Afghanistan. You can’t possibly understand what that feels like. It didn’t put me down for the full count, though. No, sir. (Taps his chest and beams proudly.) I made myself a new heart. Built it from this thing I call an “Arc reactor.” It’s a clean, renewable source of energy, the kind of technology that will bring green jobs to the great state of Connecticut!
AP: Um… well, what do you know, it looks like we’re out of time. I’d like to thank you for granting us this interview…
DB: Don’t you understand? Do I have to spell it out for you? (Leans across his desk and screams at the reporter.) I AM IRON MAN!
(end of interview)
Associated Press: How do these allegations of dishonesty affect you personally? Are you angry?
Dick Blumenthal: You bet. I wasn’t this angry when I was dodging enemy fire in the jungles of Southeast Asia, or fighting hand-to-hand in those damned tunnels. I’m not going to let this stop me from fighting for the American people, though. You can take that to the bank. I know how to pull myself together after a setback. Hell, I was blown clean in half by Vietcong artillery… (he makes a sawing gesture across his midsection) … and I didn’t let that stop me.
AP: Umm… you look pretty good for a man who was blown in half…
DB: Damn right I do! That’s because I’m a fighter! I know how to pull myself together after a setback. Those people calling for me to drop out of the race are selling me short. I’m used to that, though. So is every combat soldier. I’ll never forget how my buddies and I were treated when we got back from Pandora.
AP: … I beg your pardon? Pandora?
DB: What a nightmare. We did the best we could, but they were coming at us with dragons, and these things that looked like giant panthers with six legs. We didn’t have the manpower, or the firepower, to complete the mission, but we took the blame when we came home without any unobtainium. (Drums his fingers on his desk.) I can promise the voters of Connecticut that if they send me to the Senate, I’ll stand with the President in forcing those big corporations to share their unobtainium with hard-working Americans. You know that stuff sells for a like fifty million dollars an ounce? Talk about your obscene profit margins… (Blumenthal begins fidgeting with a small rectangular object.)
AP: What’s that?
DB: This? (Heaves a heavy sigh of loss and regret.) My father’s lightsaber. An elegant weapon, from a more… civilized era. (He smiles, taken by a fond memory.) I never knew my father, but I was told he was a cunning warrior… and a good friend. He was betrayed, you know. Betrayed by the same Wall Street fat cats that want to make billions by betraying the American people!
AP: You’ve stated that you believe the allegations of dishonesty against you are a political hit from your Republican opponents.
DB: That’s right. They’re trying to “Swift Boat” me. They want to tear my heart out, the same way the terrorists tore it out when they captured me, in the mountains of Afghanistan. You can’t possibly understand what that feels like. It didn’t put me down for the full count, though. No, sir. (Taps his chest and beams proudly.) I made myself a new heart. Built it from this thing I call an “Arc reactor.” It’s a clean, renewable source of energy, the kind of technology that will bring green jobs to the great state of Connecticut!
AP: Um… well, what do you know, it looks like we’re out of time. I’d like to thank you for granting us this interview…
DB: Don’t you understand? Do I have to spell it out for you? (Leans across his desk and screams at the reporter.) I AM IRON MAN!
(end of interview)