A little political humor...

[The New Guy]

Little Suzy had a box of very small kittens that she was trying to giveaway, so she had them out on the street corner with a sign ' FREE KITTENS ' next to them.

Suddenly a long line of big black cars came up with a policeman on a motorcycle in front. The cars all stopped and a tall black man stepped out from the biggest car. 'Hi, little girl, what do you have there in the box?' he asked.

'Kittens' Little Suzy says. 'They're so small, their eyes are not even open yet.'

'What kind of kittens are they?' he asked.

'DEMOCRATS' says Little Suzy.


The man smiled, returned to his car and they drove away. Sensing a good photo opportunity, Barack Hussein Obama called his campaign manager and told him about the little girl and the kittens. It was planned that they would return the next day, have all the media there and tell everyone about these great kittens.

The next day, Little Suzy is standing out on the corner with her box of kittens with the 'FREE KITTENS' sign and the big motorcade of black cars pulled up with all the vans and trucks from ABC, NBC, CBS and CNN.

Everyone had their cameras ready and then, Barack Hussein Obama got out of his limo and walked up to Little Suzy.

'Now, don't be frightened,' he said, 'I just want you to tell all these nice news people just what kind of kittens you're giving away today.'

'Yes sir,' Suzy said, 'They are all 'REPUBLICAN' kittens.'

Taken by surprise, Obama said, 'But yesterday, you told me that they were DEMOCRATS.'

Little Suzy says, 'Yes, I know. But today, they have their eyes open.'

[The New Guy]

Once upon a time, on a farm in Virginia , there was a little red hen who scratched about the barnyard until she uncovered quite a few grains of wheat.
She called all of her Democrat neighbors together and said, 'If we plant[ this wheat, we shall have bread to eat. Who will help me plant it?'
'Not I,' said the cow.
'Not I,' said the duck.
'Not I,' said the pig.
'Not I,' said the goose.
'Then I will do it by myself,' said the little red hen, and so she did.The wheat grew very tall and ripened into golden grain.

'Who will help me reap my wheat?' asked the little red hen.
'Not I,' said the duck.
'Out of my classification,' said the pig.
'I 'd lose my seniority,' said the cow.
'I'd lose my unemployment compensation,' said the goose.
'Then I will do it by myself,' said the little red hen, and so she did.

At last it came time to bake the bread.
'Who will help me bake the bread?' asked the little red hen.
'That would be overtime for me,' said the cow.
'I'd lose my welfare benefits,' said the duck.
'I'm a dropout and never learned how,' said the pig.
'If I'm to be the only helper, that's discrimination,' said the goose.
'Then I will do it by myself,' said the little red hen.

She baked five loaves and held them up for all of her neighbors to see.They wanted some and, in fact, demanded a share. But the little red hen[ said, 'No, I shall eat all five loaves.'
'Excess profits!' cried the cow. (Nancy Pelosi)
'Capitalist leech!' screamed the duck. (Barbara Boxer)
'I demand equal rights!' yelled the goose. (Jesse Jackson)
The pig just grunted in disdain. (Ted Kennedy)

And they all painted 'Unfair!' picket signs and marched around and around the little red hen, shouting obscenities.

Then the Farmer Obama came. He said to the little red hen, 'You must not be so greedy.'

'But I earned the bread,' said the little red hen.
'Exactly,' said Barack the farmer. 'That is what makes our free enterprise system so wonderful. Anyone in the barnyard can earn as much as he wants. But under our modern government regulations, the productive workers must divide the fruits of their labor with those who are
lazy and idle.'

And they all lived happily ever after, including the little red hen, who smiled and clucked, 'I am grateful, for now I truly understand.'
But her neighbors became quite disappointed in her. She never again baked bread because she joined the 'party' and got her bread free.
And all the Democrats smiled. 'Fairness' had been established.

Individual initiative had died, but nobody noticed; perhaps no one cared...so long as there was free bread that 'the rich' were paying for.

EPILOGUE

Bill Clinton is getting $12 million for his memoirs.

Hillary got $8 million for hers.

That's $20 million for the memories from two people, who for eight years, repeatedly testified, under oath, that they couldn't remember anything.

IS THIS A GREAT BARNYARD OR WHAT?

[The New Guy]

ok, just one more. i couldn't resist posting this one:

The Presidential election was too close to call. Neither
the Republican candidate nor the Democratic candidate had
enough votes to win. There was much talk about ballot
recounting, court challenges, etc., but a week-long ice
fishing competition seemed the sportsmanlike way to settle
things. The candidate that caught the most fish at the end
of the week would win the election.

Therefore, it was decided that there should be an ice
fishing contest between the two candidates to determine the
winner.

After much back and forth discussion, it was decided
that the contest take place on a remote frozen lake in
northern Minnesota.

There were to be no observers present, and both men were to
be sent out separately on this isolated lake and return at 5
P.M. with their catch for counting and verification by a
team of neutral parties. At the end of the first day, John
Mc. returned to the starting line and he had ten fish.

Soon, Obama returned and had no fish. Well, everyone
assumed he was just having another 'bad hair' day or
something and hopefully, he would catch up the next day.

At the end of the 2nd day John Mc. came in with 20 fish and
Obama came in again with none.

That evening, Harry Reid got together secretly with Obama
and said, 'Obama, I think John Mc. is a low-life,
cheatin' son-of-a-gun. I want you to go out tomorrow and
don't even bother with fishing. Just spy on him and see
just how he is cheating.'

The next night (after John Mc. returns with 50 fish), he said
to Obama, 'Well, tell me, how is John Mc. cheating?'

Obama replied, 'Harry, you're not going to believe
this, but he's cutting holes in The ice.'

Experience Counts

[mrbose]

The Presidential election was too close to call. Neither the Republican
candidate nor the Democratic candidate had enough votes to win. There was
much talk about ballot recounting, court challenges, etc., but a week-long
ice fishing competition seemed the sportsmanlike way to settle things. The
candidate that caught the most fish at the end of the week would win the
election.

Therefore, it was decided that there should be an ice fishing contest
between the two candidates to determine the winner.

After much of back and forth discussion, it was decided that the contest
take place on a remote frozen lake in northern Minnesota.

There were to be no observers present, and both men were to be sent out
separately on this isolated lake and return at 5 P.M. with their catch for
counting and verification by a team of neutral parties. At the end of the
first day, John Mc. returned to the starting line and he had ten fish.

Soon, Obama returned and had no fish. Well, everyone assumed he was just
having another 'bad hair' day or something and hopefully, he would
catch up
the next day.

At the end of the 2nd day John Mc. came in with 20 fish and Obama came in
again with none.

That evening, Harry Reid got together secretly with Obama and said, 'Obama,
I think John Mc. is a low-life, cheatin' son-of-a-gun. I want you to go out
tomorrow and don't even bother with fishing. Just spy on him and see just
how he is cheating.'

The next night (after John Mc. returns with 50 fish), Harry said to Obama,
'Well, tell me, how is John Mc. cheating?'

Obama replied, 'Harry, you're not going to believe this, but he's cutting
holes in the ice.'

Experience Does Count ;D

[saunterelle]

Is there an echo in here?

[bolverk]

You have been smote, for attempting to derail some excellent humor. Party pooper.

[thewholetruth]

That's too funny...and too close to reality! LOL

Aug 25, 2008 23:37:28 GMT -5 The New Guy said:

ok, just one more. i couldn't resist posting this one:

The Presidential election was too close to call. Neither
the Republican candidate nor the Democratic candidate had
enough votes to win. There was much talk about ballot
recounting, court challenges, etc., but a week-long ice
fishing competition seemed the sportsmanlike way to settle
things. The candidate that caught the most fish at the end
of the week would win the election.

Therefore, it was decided that there should be an ice
fishing contest between the two candidates to determine the
winner.

After much back and forth discussion, it was decided
that the contest take place on a remote frozen lake in
northern Minnesota.

There were to be no observers present, and both men were to
be sent out separately on this isolated lake and return at 5
P.M. with their catch for counting and verification by a
team of neutral parties. At the end of the first day, John
Mc. returned to the starting line and he had ten fish.

Soon, Obama returned and had no fish. Well, everyone
assumed he was just having another 'bad hair' day or
something and hopefully, he would catch up the next day.

At the end of the 2nd day John Mc. came in with 20 fish and
Obama came in again with none.

That evening, Harry Reid got together secretly with Obama
and said, 'Obama, I think John Mc. is a low-life,
cheatin' son-of-a-gun. I want you to go out tomorrow and
don't even bother with fishing. Just spy on him and see
just how he is cheating.'

The next night (after John Mc. returns with 50 fish), he said
to Obama, 'Well, tell me, how is John Mc. cheating?'

Obama replied, 'Harry, you're not going to believe
this, but he's cutting holes in The ice.'

Experience Counts

[thewholetruth]

2008 Democrat National Convention

Schedule of Events

7:00 pm OPENING FLAG BURNING
7:15 pm PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE TO THE U.N.
7:20 pm Ted Kennedy PROPOSES A TOAST
7:25 pm NONRELIGIOUS PRAYER AND WORSHIP - Jesse Jackson & Al Sharpton
7:45 pm CEREMONIAL TREE HUGGING - Darryl Hannah
7:55 pm Ted Kennedy PROPOSES A TOAST
8:00 pm HOW I INVENTED THE INTERNET - Al Gore
8:15 pm GAY WEDDING PLANNING - Rosie O'Donnell
8:35 pm Ted Kennedy PROPOSES A TOAST
8:40 pm OUR TROOPS ARE WAR CRIMINALS - John Kerry
9.00 pm MEMORIAL SERVICE FOR SADDAM AND HIS SONS - Cindy Sheehan and Susan Sarandon
10:00 pm ANSWERING MACHINE ETIQUETTE - Alec Baldwin
11:00 pm Ted Kennedy PROPOSES A TOAST
11:05 pm COLLECTION FOR THE OSAMA BIN LADEN KIDNEY TRANSPLANT FUND - Barbara Streisand
11:15 pm FREE THE FREEDOM FIGHTERS FROM GUANTANAMO BAY - Sean Penn
11:30 pm OVAL OFFICE AFFAIRS - William Jefferson Clinton
11:45 pm Ted Kennedy PROPOSES A TOAST
11:50 pm HOW GEORGE BUSH BROUGHT DOWN THE WORLD TRADE TOWERS - Howard Dean
12:15 am TRUTH IN BROADCASTING AWARD - Presented to Dan Rather by Michael Moore
12:25 am Ted Kennedy PROPOSES A TOAST
12:30 am SATELLITE ADDRESS - Mahmoud Ahmadinejad
12:45 am NOMINATION OF BARACK HUSSEIN OBAMA - Nancy Pelosi
1:00 am Ted Kennedy PROPOSES A TOAST
1:05 am CORONATION OF BARACK HUSSEIN OBAMA
1:30 am Ted Kennedy PROPOSES A TOAST

1:35 am Bill Clinton asks Ted Kennedy to drive Hilary home.

[subdjoe]

You left out about half a dozen toasts by Teddy.

[mrbose]

5 Surgeons

Five surgeons from big cities are discussing who the best patients
to operate on are.

The first surgeon, from New York says:

I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open then up, everything inside is numbered.

The second, from Chicago , responds:

Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded.

The third surgeon, from Dallas , says:

No I really, think librarians are the best, everything inside them is in alphabetical order.

The fourth surgeon, from Los Angeles chimes in:

You know I like construction workers, those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over.

But the fifth surgeon, from Washington , DC shut them all up when he observed:

You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart,no balls, no brains and no spine, and the head and the rear are interchangeable. ;D

[mrbose]

NOBAMA`S Egg Business.
NOBAMA was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young hens, called pullets, and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs. He kept records, and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was replaced.
This took a lot of time, so he bought some tiny bells and attached them to his roosters. Each bell had a different tone, so he could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing. Now, he could sit on the porch And fill out an efficiency report by just listening to the bells.
NOBAMA`S favorite rooster, old Al, was a very fine specimen, but this morning he noticed old Al's bell hadn't rung at all! When he went to investigate, he saw the other roosters were busy chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing, but the pullets, hearing the roosters coming, could run for cover. To NOBAMA`S amazement, old Al had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one.
NOBAMA was so proud of old Al, he entered him in the Renfrew County Fair and he became an overnight sensation among the judges. The result was the judges not only awarded old Al the No Bell Piece Prize but they also awarded him the Pulletsurprise as well.
Clearly old Al was a politician in the making. Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most highly coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention.
Vote carefully this year, the bells are not always audible.